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Proverbs 20:19 · World English Bible

Proverbs 20:19 Meaning He Who Goes About as a Tale-bearer

He who goes about as a tale-bearer reveals secrets; therefore don’t keep company with him who opens wide his lips.

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What does Proverbs 20:19 mean?

The mind that carries tales and the mind that flatters are the same movement wearing two faces, and both trade in the guilt of others as if it were currency. To spread a secret is to feed on a brother's exposure, and to flatter is to court him for advantage, and each keeps separation alive by making the relationship a transaction.

From the Christian Psychology reading below.

Proverbs 20:19 through 1 lens

The same verse, read by one tradition.

CHRISTIAN PSYCHOLOGY

Christian Psychology

The mind that carries tales and the mind that flatters are the same movement wearing two faces, and both trade in the guilt of others as if it were currency. To spread a secret is to feed on a brother's exposure, and to flatter is to court him for advantage, and each keeps separation alive by making the relationship a transaction. The ego loves this traffic, for as long as minds are bargaining over each other's failings they never simply meet.

The correction is to stop trading in guilt altogether. When a brother is no longer material for gossip or a mark to be won, there is nothing to reveal and nothing to flatter, and two minds can be honest because neither is being used.

Talebearer: the part of the mind that collects and spreads the guilt of others, turning a brother's exposure into its own gain.

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Christian Psychology lens

Live Proverbs 20:19 today

  1. When a juicy piece of news about someone arrives today, keep it. Just let it stop with you and see what that silence feels like from the inside.
  2. If a conversation turns into sorting through someone's failings, change the subject gently or ask something kind about them instead. You do not have to lecture anyone, just stop feeding it.
  3. When someone is being especially flattering before they ask you for something, stay warm and answer the actual request. You can be generous without pretending you did not see the setup.

Am I closer to people when I talk about them, or only closer to talking?

The same truth in other traditions

Buddhism

Among the practices of right speech is leaving off the talk that divides people, because carrying stories between them keeps everyone apart while feeling like closeness.

Judaism

The tradition treats gossip as a serious harm, saying it injures three at once: the one spoken of, the one listening, and the one who speaks.

Stoicism · Epictetus

He advises keeping mostly silent, and above all not joining the common talk about other people, since blame and praise of the absent is the easiest way to lose your own footing.

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